Relapse

I knew this would happen. It was all right for the first few days, then the weekend popped up and it culminated in a drinking spree. We won an account, and it saw us trot off to the local. I stepped in two mounds of shit.
The first mound of shit involved a little too much alcohol. This resulted in flirting with interstate account manager; heat dripped from his fucking lapels! Armond (it's what I prefer to call him on this blogger thing) has lived here for five years, and has a chocolate smooth accent. He whispered in my ear; let's go somewhere else Didi.
Try to quit smoking with a French man breathing against your ear...

We strolled to the Mariott, his temporary abode, and I'll keep it short but I bounced up and down on his bed, telling him to buy me one. "ah, mon cherie," he laughed, and it may be cliche, but it got me going, so much, that I practically fell into his limbs. Our mouths were more intrepid than Al Gore, traversing every microclimate; tongue, taste buds, and his fingers ensured that my core temperature would rise; global bodily warming.

So we did it. We fucked, and in my stupor or weakness, I relented. I don't know. Maybe I liked the way he lit two cigarettes in his mouth, offering me one with a James Dean cocked eyebrow.

"This is a mini break," he said.
There was more?

and there was. More, so much more. My head did spin with the first drag, and his hands wandered down south, and pressed the right button, and that can be a rarity.

Rejection

I almost caved in. Okay, I did cave in, but only one.

In the few days I have stuck these patches on me, I have digested plenty calories.

Work birthday party:

“Come on Didi, have another!” (Krispy Kreme donut)
“Awww…no.”
“Go on! Try the chocolate.”

Everything is starting to taste different. Normal. Nicer.

I have also retired to bed earlier, not to think about the ordeal that can grip me like it does in the few intervals throughout the day.

“Why didn’t you call me back, Didi?”
“I was busy.”
“Do you want to see Hairspray?”
“Um. I’m trying to quit smoking and I’m focusing on that.”
“Oh.”

He wasn’t that exciting, and he’s a smoker. Is it wrong to distance myself from that?

It’s all about finding things to do. Substituting the cigarettes with other things. Things that I need to make time for. Example: the gym. My schedule is currently over-the-top, but since I have been on these sticky patches, I have been waking up earlier each day. There is hope.

It is not enough the food being a battle……

There is a positive in all this. I am hopeful in this first step to eradicate toxic nicotine. The other thing: I think I have over-masturbated with my Rabbit.

Is there such a thing?